There are so many things that our household used to do when the girl was young. Times are different now that the boy is a part of the blend. I was sitting in my window seat super early the other morning drinking my coffee and looking out on our sweet cul-de-sac with a happy feeling in my chest and a smile on my face. And I realized that our plans for the holiday weekend didn't really accommodate Aidan. We were going to the beach. Which is terrifying for me because all little man wants to do is run out to sea over and over and over. This is not a " hey my kid will learn to listen and he'll figure out not to do that" thing. This is an "autistic fixation with water and he will not figure it out he will drown" thing. I hate it because it has complicated my very favorite type of trip to my place of zen. The ocean and I used to be best friends. And I guess we had to break up after Aidan was born. But that's where hubs wanted to go as a family and he made plans with friends to do so and I felt obligated to spend my day retrieving a stubborn son from the surf repeatedly, thus surrendering my sanity and good time to be being a good parent. Not saying hubs isn't a good parent, he would just be doing man things with the men. That's how these trips go. Until now. Sitting in the window sipping coffee while everyone slept, I had my epiphany. I am totally not doing any of that. I am going to stay right here. With the boy. Just like a normal day with a normal routine. And I did. And here I am.
I am eating carrot sticks sipping a mimosa and enjoying sunshine. It's currently 68 degrees and climbing. The boy has had a great morning and we will party outside all afternoon. Kelly took the girl to the beach as planned and all is well. It's ok. None of it has to be set in stone. I don;t have to be miserable and resent sacrificing my relaxation. Our home isn't deeply religious. My step kiddo found the lord on her own terms and has a peaceful love of church that I nor my husband share. We allow our kids to make their own choices. As long as they are happy and not in a cult, I love them and encourage it all. So for me personally, this holiday brings back the most incredibly special memories that I cannot in my heart of hearts recreate if I tried. And all of that's ok. The boy got three comically enormous plastic eggs which he continuously drop kicks and says "ball". He is oblivious. Might be how this goes until he reaches a stage of holiday buy in. The girl knows the gig is fake and reaps the benefits of being "in the know". Picking Easter clothing or shoes as gifts. That's it. That's how we will roll until the tide changes. This is a great place to be right now people!! No stress. Tonight Hal will read her choices from the bible and my husband will enjoy it. I will snuggle the boy and he will just go to sleep like it's Sunday. Because it is.
Autism is teaching me to cope with my own personal stress levels. Forcing me to cool it with festivity frenzies and expectations of behavior so out of reach. But I am really ok with the change. I am proud of myself for my step back and my re-evaluation of the situation. Gotta pat my own back sometimes. And I gotta go to the beach with my girls instead of my kids soon.
Have a glorious Easter, any way you celebrate. Happiness and love to all of you. And of course incredible gas from all those incredibly edible eggs. Deviled or otherwise. ;)