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Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Diary of the imperfect parent.

   I struggled with posting this (still on the fence as I finish writing the header I am adding after the main body of my rant). Because I know people I love may cringe. But when have I been one to hold back for long eh? I am having a terribly hard time digesting some stuff lately. I did promise myself that if I was going to talk crazy negative stuff I had to balance my post so the reader doesn't walk away feeling all Womp womp whoooomp. I have been watching some of my peers struggle with emotional reactions to complicated situations too. It brings me to a few tough questions. How can you call someones parenting into question without backlash? I have come to the conclusion there isn't any gentle, kind, well received way to do it. I know mommas who get all puffed up about disposable diapers, so.........yeah.

  I am NOT a perfect parent. I do NOT know everything. But seriously folks? Some of this shit is common frikken sense. It's just some of the stuff that makes a Mom go "are you freaking kidding me?" and then we are sad that they weren't actually kidding. I am not saying I am in any position to have an Ask Shannon column I do however think there are some decisions that a vast majority of moms wouldn't make because of how extremely selfless being a mom really is if you are doing it correctly. It kills me to see parenting that teeters on neglectful. That is a bold statement I know. But if you had a family member or friend that bought 300$ pairs of jeans but never had food in the fridge for her son, would you feel comfortable saying anything? Most likely not. It's a very delicate thing to judge someones parenting because every single person in this world is different. I makes me wonder how a woman was raised if she puts herself so far above the needs of her children. When you are just one single person without the responsibility of littles (or a household of mess you didn't make) life is so very different. But, once you take on the challenges that come with bringing a life into your world, priorities have to change. You have to have a logical conscious about the choices you make and the important thing, how those choices effect your children's well being. You would think the answer to " Should I trade my soccer mom SUV for a race car that doesn't accommodate a kid" would be simple. But apparently it's a toughie. I guess the answer should be more clear when no one wants you to drive any carpools any time soon. It's called selfish. If you forget to feed you child because you are dieting and your child is so engrossed in television that 9 pm rolls around and you have a guilty feeling, you aren't winning any awards. It's hard to watch and it's hard to hear. Kids have a rough enough time making their way through the world without the people who brought them here failing them.

 You don't need to be a cracked out meth head to be a shitty parent. You don't even have to be shitty all the time to make a majorly negative impact. You may just be burnt out or desperately lonely. You have someone who thinks you are incredible even when you suck. Stop sucking and be incredible for them. They deserve food more than you deserve jeans.

 Here is a test. If you ask your child "Do you always feel safe and comfortable with me?" and your kid looks at you like you are stupid and laughs, you are fine. You are just that parent who asks weird questions. If there is any uncomfortable pause and they change the subject? You need to go see help. Like tomorrow.

 Do I write this because I am jealous that they have fancy jeans? Go jump on a sword because you clearly missed my point or I am writing about you. I write this because I am sad when I hear that my friend stayed two and a half hours after baseball practice because her son's team mate wasn't picked up. His mom was getting her hair done and forgot. She had long since gone home. It's not the little every day stuff that ruffles my feathers. It's the repeat offenders and that there is no talking to about their habits. If you feel like your kid knows a kid in this type of spot and you find yourself co-parenting or filling in the gaps, please hug yourself for me.Without helpful parents and teachers and grandparents, those kids would just be screwed.

I honestly don't know what I can say that is nice to round out the Whomp. I'm sorry. I am torn between feeling really judge-y and really sad. My heart hurts a bit about it. So here I put it. ::sigh::

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