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Saturday, August 6, 2011

The good the bad and the ugly

As some version of grown up person, I am finding that my logic isn't that terrible. My ideas about personality have held rather strong considering I formed some pretty solid opinions at a young age. Like, for instance, I feel like when you grow older, you become a more intensified version of who you really are inside. Or I guess it just matters less and less what others may think and more how you feel in your own skin. Makes it easier to breathe and live without burden of pretending. Insecurities slough away and reality sets in. Cruel or awesome as it may be. For most. I say that because not everyone grows up and not everyone stops pretending. I am discovering, or rather re-discovering, that there are two types of people I have weeded out of my life for the most part naturally. Two main types that annoy the shit out of me. And I hate to see when all else fades, this may really be who some folks really are.

The first is the "They don't mean ME when they say that" type of person. This kind will never get it through their head that they may be offensive or rude or anything shy of perfection. They may even join a conversation about a topic that others may hope they learn from, because it would make he/she less socially retarded. But no. Because no one meant THEM. Even when a brave soul actually pin points something that has been bothering them and has a heart to heart about it, this type of person usually just feels annoyed and takes no ownership of wrong doing.

The second type is the "OMG everything is always about ME" person. This may be worse than the first. All topics of conversation in group setting get redirected back to this individual sometimes in super obscure ways without any kind of organic segues. This type is also often paranoid that others are plotting against them and anything said may have possible negative meaning about them. Narcissistic to the point of psychosis. This has got to be exhausting really, to sit around, probably even solo, and worry about all that.

I read a very very eye opening article about adults ( mainly ladies) who hang onto friendships long past their expiration dates. And how the length of time you know someone doesn't really mean it is a quality relationship. Often it's harder to consider breaking ties with a friend that has evolved into a toxic part of your life than it is to break up with a stupid or careless boyfriend. Sometimes when we grow up and even grow apart, hanging onto the past is just that. And if you take down a list of the good and the bad from way back when and another set of lists for the current day friendship, they would differ vastly. It is healthy to take inventory of friends and invest love and time into the relationships that are give and take, loving, and fit with your life now. This article has caused a personal reflection and assessment of who I hold dear. I learned that I do some kind of spring cleaning from time to time and just exfoliate some of the deadbeats out of my life. Without dramatic effect and probably without much notice because I just bow out gracefully. There are however a couple people in my life that I can no longer go through the motions of association with. As sad as it may be, I need to bury the basket of good times because looking back, it is starting to overflow with total superficial bullshit. Toss a rose on that and call it the past. It only makes me feel wrong to pretend we are close. Really, it is wasting time I could be spending with people who really enjoy my company and I theirs, by beating this dead horse we call a friendship. And really, if I am annoyed and rolling my eyes re-hashing the time spent with someone, I should not have been there at all.

For the record, I do not claim to be perfect. And I am pretty aware of my flaws. I just know I am neither of these. After addressing some issues recently with no solution, this all hit home at once. Amazing what a catalyst one article can be.

All that said, I do have amazing people in my life that are a constant permanence if I have any luck at all. Those are the folks I should share my time, love and family with because you should get what you give. And give what you get. And after a brief head count, to say that I have to pull a couple people out of the group I have, is ok. I will be just fine. If not much much better off.

Like my sis misquoted the other night: "Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends"


  1. Replies
    1. You can choose not to read it if this bothers you. Chances are you are either Voldemort or her worthless mother anyhow. And in that case, enjoy.