I had some super trippy dreams last night that I would like to share. First let me rewind to when I was pregnant and said that I had dreams of being thin. Well, as we approach Aidan's big one year celebration, I find myself dreaming of when I was pregnant. I will have all the ladies with and without babies telling my that must mean I am itching for more kids. Not a chance. This life is oh so complex right now. I wouldn't wish that for a nano second ( not to mention I tied my tubes. I didn't get a home kit and do it myself or anything, I mean I had it done when I had A-man). I think it is because he is semi walking. He is officially into everything and I can't sit still for a second because he doesn't sit still for a second. So my dream interpretation is that I long for the days he was trapped and didn't make messes. What I did to remedy this stupidity is go back and re-read my prego blogs. There are not words to describe how great that idea was. I now VIVIDLY recall how huge and ridiculous those days were ( like a PTSD flashback) and will probably not allow this nonsense to be a reoccurring thing. Look at my awesome dream therapy eh? :)
So now on to the next one. A little trippier even. I beat up Megan Fox. So surreal and detailed that I could read some of her stupid tattoos. And she kept giving this smirk that I finally kicked off her face like I was Chuck Norris. Totally amazing ninja shit. But the thing is that I did it because she married Brian Austin Green. My childhood heartthrob crush from 90210. Everyone in our group of friends picked a guy to swoon over and he was my choice when I was a tween ( in hindsight I got screwed. I mean did you see Luke Perry in Buffy the Vampire Slayer? wowza!). But in my dream we were grown up and on a beach someplace and I cat-fought and thoroughly tore up miss Fox in a battle of his love. Way bonkers, I am aware ( especially because I am totally over Brian). Really wondering what the hell that segue was between a fatty prego dream of past actual events and into me being thin and super fit and kicking her ever-loving ass.
Maybe that is the link. I am in between being as big as a house and being fit. I am in the plateau-ed state of limbo. 40 lbs down and 30 lbs to go. Right in the chubby phase. I think that is what is causing the memory dreams and the longing dreams. I am slowly doing it but it is ALOT harder than I had anticipated ( and actually at times I feel that it's not as hard as I make it out to be. I guess that is confusing to anyone who hasn't battled weight). I am not giving up but rather accepting my current shape and buying clothes to fit it. Because the struggle of "in between" is too much pressure with the wardrobe. I am a solid double digit that is very close to my goal. Just a little jiggly is all ( Some might look down their noses at how long this has taken me to lose the weight I put on. But frankly I'd rather take a long time and be healthy and IN SHAPE then deal with sad bulimia no-ass-at-all syndrome. Plus I love food so I must exercise). The sun is shining and life is good. I am off to eat bacon wrapped pot roast accompanied by baby red and purple potatoes with my awesome family. And ice cream for desert. :) I'll walk it off later. You only live once.
Word of the day:
When the baby has finished sucking down a full bottle at light speed and some milk has leaked down and around the entire chub roll of his neck. It is what I call a Drinking problem ( look at that. a Two-fer word of the day special)