frustration station

My kid has lost it. I am on the hunt for a handbook to unlock tips and tools for this phase I had not been prepped or informed of. It is......the abusive stage ( dun dun dunnnnnn). Laugh if you like, my baby has a toddler body and was born with Chuck Norris strength ( or did you forget). He beats me. I think I should seek help. Maybe I asked for it. I didn't get his bottle fast enough so I got five across the eyes. The shanking I can handle because it's my own dumb fault if I forget to clip those sharp little talons. But using my clavicle as a handle to pull on? No thank you. Or a quick kick to the sternum mid diaper change? ( frowny face) At least I am not fully alone ( though this behaviors have begun to limit the snuggle time with others out of fear). Dad and Uncle Bam Bam have received heel drops to the jewels recently ( yes it does make me feel better, sorry). Little man enjoys this stuff. Much to my dismay. Because I had hoped to enroll him in a few baby groups in the next few months. Now I almost feel like keeping him home to protect other peoples babies. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? Shouldn't the fears I have about play classes or daycare revolve around other kids being mean to my sweet boy? Not when I have baby Bam Bam. His Hulk stage is getting a little out of hand and he is really to young to punish or scold for serious. Don't for one second think I must spare him. I absolutely let him know he hurts me using my big "not happy" voice and sometimes I cry (And sometimes it's real crying. I told you he is strong ok!). So now what? How do you correct this? When I find out what works I will let you know.

He is also loud. Not like crying loud. Like yelling "Ada!!!!" at the very top of his lungs ( and sometimes when we think it's the top, he cranks it up higher to our surprise). My favorite ( sike) is when he yells over me when I am on the phone. That, is fun. I am sorry to those of you that this has happened to ( except those of you that laughed. you suck). I especially enjoy that it makes me lose all train of thought and perhaps it was important. I had someone actually tell me this idea as a solution: "Maybe you should get a squirt bottle and spray him every time he gets loud and crazy. It works with my dog." Rest assured I will not be hosing my baby down. Our water bill is high enough as it is.

Back to the child class/daycare debacle. I have been having a little inner turmoil tug-a-war. Would I be putting him in daycare for the right reasons? My sanity would be my reason. Is this ok? I am not a working Mom. I don't need to enroll him anywhere. But I would like to have a few hours twice a week to clean my house or shop or pass out. Plus I really think interaction with other babies is important. So why do I feel like I am right back at 18 years old fresh out of high school and choosing a college? And why is the choice so hard? And why do I have "freshman jitters" all over again when dealing with the "senior class" Moms who are pro at this. It is all more intimidating then I had ever expected. After working in the very same type of environment I am now touring and judging, you'd think this would be easier. It is in fact a whole new view of familiar territory. And very scary from this angle I must say. I do recall being the actual tour guide at my old school and I do know that what we were dealing with was a parents most prize possession, most beloved person in their life, and that they were more often than not making a huge investment of trust choosing our school. I remember all of that. And I am trying with all my might to appreciate that the people touring me through their school are probably in-the-know of these things as they apply now to me and my child. But let's just be real here, this stuff is terrifying. Because it is new. It is a "first".

I am planning a draft of the apology letter I will enclose with any enrollment packet for any school. It begins with "I am deeply sorry in advance for the pain and suffering, emotional or physical, that my child may cause your staff or students". That's all I have so far. :)