when the mind starts to go

I had the strangest train of thought this morning as I rocked a fussy Aidan in the living room recliner. Daddy has to wake up at 6-7ish for work so I have been doing feedings outside of our bedroom for his sanity. When we move he wont have feedings in our bedroom so I thought starting new with a change of scenery at night would make the transition less shocking. The wee one can fall asleep as soon as a burp slips his lips. Pretty much wherever his head lays he can sleep. I on the other hand cannot sleep in the recliner. Absolutely cannot sleep with baby on my arm in the recliner. I don't feel safe. I feel like I would doze and he'd roll right out of my arms onto the wood floor. So I sit like a zombie and rock him till he is out cold. Then, I get up to put him in the crib. And he fusses. Ahhhh, messy diaper. Back out to the living room. Change him. Rock him back to sleep. Back to the crib. Fusses. Crap!! Has it really been an hour and a half? Can he really be starving already? He has his eatin' face on and he's all worked up. *sigh* Bottle it is. Ok fed. Back to crib after burping and he is all milk drunk. Perfect. Now I need to pump. So I do. And then I trudge the milk to the fridge and climb into bed. For exactly 34 min. Awesome. I get up as the dog slips into my freshly warmed spot in bed (no joke, head on the damn pillow and all) and starts snoring. Because I also work for the dogs and all I was doing was prepping his snooze zone. I collect the crying boy and off to the living room I go again. Fresh bottle in hand and a tired little blob making yummy noises as he scarfs down another 4 oz. This is why I don't sleep.

So, I began with the lead in because the next bit is a little of center. And I really needed to paint the picture perfectly. I was literally sitting, staring out the window watching the sun come up this morning as my mind skipped along from random topic to inane thought to full on crazy logic. Wicked drug lack of sleep is because I was officially trippin out. I found myself reminiscing about childhood cartoons like The Snorks and Shirttails. Which then led me to wonder where my old roller skates ever went. And next I sat for a long stretch and thought about how ridiculous it is that Barbie has the middle and ring finger on each hand stuck together and how annoying it was that adding a ring to accessorize her outfit meant you had to insert it into a hole in her hand. But that I suppose it was better than when she has karate chop style hands before that. Yeah. This is the crap of a mind that is running along with no driver. And I can't even tell you where it all trailed off but I was interrupted by the sound of an empty bottle being sucked at.

And here I sit, amazed I am not able to recall more of the rambling thought collision that ran around my head for more than 8 hours. I am taking a nap for sure today before the walls start talking to me and I start answering back.