hanging tough

I am just barely surviving these days. Not to sound dramatic but at times I am positive I am dying. This child is enormous. And he along with his water weight are settling into my lower regions and taking over. He now lodges his big huge cranium in my pelvis and pushes. That, my friend, is the most bizarre ache ever created EVER!! His feet nestled in my side and his little butt pushing my belly button out tell me that he can still move wherever he wants to. Oh joy!!! So much fluid I have given him. All I am asking is that he be the next Michael Phelps ( minus the drug use) and repay me for the torturous backflips and kickturns. There are times when I look at his lumpy parts, contorting my tummy into geometric shapes not round in the slightest, and think "Geez boy, that cannot be comfortable". And then I beg him to just come out already. I have bargained, pleaded, bribed, threatened so much that I am running out of parenting "compromise" tools. It is seriously clear that he is going to be here soon. My belly has reached the drooping status that now points my belly button, aka turkey timer (which has fully popped out thanks for asking) at a downward angle towards the ground. Did you know this settling, dropping of the baby inside, is actually called "lightening" ? What the french toast? It should have a much less deceptive term. Like " heavy-ing" or "not long now lady, hang in there". Lightening. Pshhhh. That is a riot. Nothing light about this meatball. Makes me wonder if this is how Meatloaf got his name. (Yeah, my random turrets is on for sure. Sorry bout that.) Anyhow the upside is that once he settled lower a bit, in theory I am supposed to feel less heartburn and be able to breathe deeper. We shall see is this is true with all is baby water. I am mildly skeptical.

In other news. I have been trying to get out and walk around the block or to the store to exercise and get this guy motivated to move out. This has helped with aches and pains a bit. But, winded as all get out I get home and have to sit on the porch before exerting more energy looking for my keys. I have also been trying some home remedies for assistance. Thus far this list has not shown signs of labor. But I will repeat just in case it is all about timing.

* pineapple

* spicy foods ( Kellys BBQ chicken and Panda express Beijing Beef)

* sex

* skipping ( wayyyyyy too much work for a fat lady. never again)

* a glass of red wine here and there (totally ok with Dr Awesome)

So far no real difference. Contractions are happening but not at any rapid clip. And nothing worth counting or timing. Next ultrasound is in a week or so and we still have our weekly visits to check on meatball. I will be asking doc about serving little dude with a eviction notice soon.

As the saying sorta goes except I altered it to fit my needs, "You ain't gotta go far but you gotta get the hell outta me".



Happy Mothers Day ya'll.