Brutal Honesty

Real life facts about this pregnancy. No sugar coating. Might be gross and amazing and personal and revealing and probably TMI. Enjoy :)


-I miss sleeping on my stomach as though it were and old friend that moved to China.

- Prenatal vitamins make you constipated beyond anything you have ever experienced. There is no remedy for this other than juices and foods. I will spare you the fun I had trying to configure the right combo as not to be punished with the extreme opposite of this suffering.

- Viewing a C-section on You tube was a great and terrible idea all at the same time. Now I can logically understand the procedure and also have very vivid nightmares.

-I refuse to watch a vaginal childbirth unless it's the cartoony ones on the prego websites that remind me of the non-offensive ones shown in jr. high health class.

- The thought of upping my caffeine intake back to pre-pregnancy amounts to keep this baby from hulking out at a birth weight of 11 lbs has crossed my mind several times. I wont do it because I am chicken and I know it's wrong.

- I am excited and very scared at the idea of delivering early. It is very very likely.

-I am angry that I may deliver when my step daughter is in Australia with her extraordinarily selfish and thoughtless biological mother. Voldemort (as I refer to her as she is often not named but we all know her to be a manipulative undercurrent) is not a fan of this baby. My step daughter would like to live in his room and quit school to be his nanny. Being absent for Aidans birth would break her heart. I do genuinely feel half bad for the cold shoulder the girl would give her mom if this does happen.

- I think that stretch marks are a sign that your body is giving 110%

-Sometimes I sit and listen to the whoosh whoosh noise that my pounding head makes because of my blood pressure.

- The baby really truly can hurt you in there. I have never felt so breathless as when his foot is in the rib area and pushing on god knows what. All I could do was drop to all fours and push him down away from there.

-All of my dreams in which I am pregnant are of delivery scenarios. The rest are of skinny me and normal activities which is really confusing to wake from with a movement in the belly. Takes a few minutes to adjust back to reality.

- My circulation is becoming a major annoyance. It's like getting dizzy because you sat down for too long. That shouldn't happen in normal life. But in pregnancy, sitting certain ways makes the whole baby and water weight push on arteries that carry blood back to you brain. So now, with jumbo meatball in there, I get all woozy sitting. Talk about feeling lazy.

- I will be able to relax after the 32 week mark when I know his lungs are well formed and practicing ( because if something causes pre-term labor after that, he will be ok here in the outside world). I will be ready for him to be out at 37 weeks because I am already foreseeing a capacity issue.

- Selfish as it sounds, I want my body back. I don't feel like myself. I am a vessel carrying priceless cargo. But, I miss feeling full for more than an hour after a meal. I miss tying my shoes. I miss spooning with my husband and allowing him to be the little spoon ( right now it's like a backwards ladle and a teaspoon). I want to wake up ache free again.

- I have Sasquatch legs. I cannot reach to shave them. It is a forest that my sons assistance of hormones has created. Out of control.

- My hair on my head is incredible (flip side from above griping). Long shiny full locks. I will continue taking Folic acid the rest of my life to keep this hair.

- At the risk of sounding like an alcoholic, I am counting down to the first Happy Hour I can participate in. Number 1) because I miss the time out with friends with a lemon drop in my hand. Number 2) because I really, really, really, love bar appetizers at half price. Number 3) because I don't like the looks I get now if I sidle up to the bar to take advantage of these great prices on yummy snacks. People shouldn't watch me eat chicken wings right now anyway. It's terrifying.