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Monday, February 15, 2010

now I am getting all sensitive. grrrrreeaaat :)

Today I played music for my son.

That just feels amazing to write. My son. I never thought I would be having this moment. I don't care who you believe in. This child is a miracle. I keep thinking of who he will be someday. Will he be sweet and kind like Kelly? Will he have square jawed features like Waylon? Will he be a daredevil like Adam? How will all the men in his life influence who he turns into. Will my Dad play him music while he squeals and claps like all of the Buchan kids did. Will Kelly's dad let him put him through all the silly stories and games that his big sis does.

Will I be a good mother? Every woman wonders that I think. Even if we know we are great with kids. This is a tad different. It's all on Kel and I. Can we hack it? I know in my heart a boy is easier for me. Adam trained me in baby basics a long time ago. With events no other mother can prep you for. Each little person has experiments in learning that are so unique. I just like to sit and think about how he'll be and what he'll do. I just hope to keep my patience and remember to laugh at the new and unique.

For so many years I have been treating other children like they are mine, or at least like they are such important little people who I have an impact on. I have loved and been loved by hundreds of small hearts.And really, it was enough. My heart always felt full and I had set my mind to appreciate that. I really should thank all the parents who let me into their childrens lives. I wonder if they know how special they made the hardest time of my life. Each kid who threw a tantrum and used colorful language or cried with a splinter has made me who I am today. Each dramatic little girl who had feeling hurt or crush on someone made me understand my own sweet girl now. I am thankful and grateful for all of that. All those years readied me for what I never could have imagined was coming. Everything happens for a reason.

I know I will be a good mother to Aidan. And I am so lucky to have Kelly who is a damn fine father already. And Hal is the icing on the cake. What an awesome big sister she'll be.

I got all excited and nostalgic digging through music that is soothing and beautiful to play for him. And you wouldn't believe how much the kid reacts to Ben Harper. I think we found future nap music for sure. :) I can't wait to share so much more with him. I can't believe I get to do this. I must have done something so right to get this chance. Just goes to show you should value all the little parts of your life because they could just be getting you ready for the big picture.

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