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Thursday, January 2, 2014

Open dialog with my own damn self.

  Sitting here in the same position I keep finding myself in. Paycheck to paycheck of the work-from-home craft mom variety. Even in a successful season it is unpredictable and has yet to put us in a position to enroll Aidan in programs that would further his development ( don't get me started about how that makes me feel like a loser). My hubs works a great job and makes just shy of a killing ( I kid) but he can't do it alone. We are caught in that spot in the middle. We are not a family who anyone is running a charity fund for but we aren't able to be frivolous at all. I had a spell before the sewing adventure where I put in massive applications out into the webiverse only to find that few businesses actually believe in part time work anymore. And It isn't a real life option to work nights because I feel like the sacrifice of working 24 hrs a day is crazy. This makes me feel like I am being snooty and picky and I have even been the one to say " if they really wanted a job they would just go work anywhere", and now, I feel like an ass. Because it's harder than that.

 I am hoping to get Aidan into full days at preschool soon. I don't know if his skills are there yet as the group size/teacher ratio is totally different. What if he gets lost in the shuffle and just stims out while the harder kids get their needs met? He is so quiet and independent sometimes it can be super hard to get his participation. How would that even work for him even if it frees up my daytime for a job?

 Can I be selfishly honest for a second? You know what I want? A rich Grandpa. Everyone wishes this from time to time, if you are in the tax bracket I am. Wouldn't it just be nice for a second? I would have the time and money to build my awesome greenhouse I drew out and be in there with my son getting hands dirty every day or every season instead of waiting the winter stuff out. I would build the coolest chicken fort for a slightly larger flock of hens. I would supply my sweet farmers market spot with my own supply of home farmed goodness. I would start the little heirloom seed company I dreamed up and hold childrens art classes. What would you do for a job if money wasn't a stress? If you had the funds already to have some startup thing happen for you that could sustain your happiness as well as your wallet? Lets get dreamy for a minute and fantasize about what would make your heart soar.

 Ugh. Anyone have a Nursery they want to hire me to work in? Seriously though, tell me your dream stories because I am feeling a little like I am swimming in circles today and could use the smiling. Ready go.

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