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Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Fitness vs Fatness

 I have never been a gym rat nor do I have the yearning for that euphoric rush that cardio gives people. I am actually not sure that really exists because I have never felt it even through hours of dance team practices and swim competitions years ago. I am beginning to think that it's a myth that fit people tell fat people to keep the carrot-in-front-of -the-nose thing going for as long as possible. I am now a not so thin person. I was rail thin all my life till I found beer. And even then it didn't catch up to all my parts. Just my belleh a little bit in my way late twenties. I admit openly that I was metabolically lucky and I really took it for granted. I gained boobies when I had my son which I am still completely pleased with even though all my friends with huge ta-tas were totally spot on correct when they said that smaller boobs make you look thinner and bigger boobs make you look thicker. Fact. Bummer and blessing all in one thing. Well, two things I suppose. I am wanting my jiggly parts to move less and firm up like when I was a hottie. So I had been looking into dance classes ( aka tricking myself into exercise with the lure of a fun time) when a friend told me she bought a groupon for kickboxing. Um, AWESOME! And wouldn't you know it, she gt me the trial for Christmas so we could go together. She is a pretty fit lady I must say and though we are the same height ( which I will explain the importance of in a few) we are NOT in the same "in shape" bracket at all. She runs marathons and 16k stuff for fun even though she has a one year old and doesn't really get out and run on the regular. She is just fit. Period. I ran the Shamrock run with her last year and I am pretty sure was done in half the time I was. And I ran half the length she did. It's nuts, she is rad, and an amazing motivator for me. Which I need.

 So, we get to our first session at this place and it's fun. Like, "I wanna kick someones ass" fun. I already like martial arts and boxing so this was just a good time. Tough to have a red face and be the least adorable in my clothing, yes. But I thoroughly enjoyed it. The second time we went, we decided to take the strength and sweat class before the kickboxing class as well. Major crazy hard incredibly draining workout. I remembered something about myself that I had forgotten. I am slightly annoying when I am feeling awkward. This class makes me feel massively awkward. So I end up saying dumb shit like " I feel like a dying ninja". ::shakes head:: yep. It makes my classmates chuckle. It makes my friend belly laugh ( which she claims is excellent for her abs). And it makes out teacher shake his head. This teacher is very hard to take seriously considering every squat and kick leaves me wondering if and when we are going to be exposed to his balls. He wears shorty shorts that boxers wear ( I couldn't even help noticing that actual boxers, like the underpants kind, are wayyyyyy longer and more appropriate than his work out shorts. Which just seemed weird.) that are silky and have humorously large leg openings. It's like he wants to show us. He is practically Brittney-ing/Lindsay Lohan-ing his nads at every class. It's unsettling and hilarious to me. I didn't want to kill my friends abs any more than I had with my flail running, so I didn't mention it that eve. She will be pleased to read it here like you all. You're welcome Meleah :)

 Anyhow, Nad man kicked our asses pretty great. And I was grateful because I need it. I did however have heartburn all through class and had been resisting the urge to vomit. Instead of stretching I went to cave in to that need at the finally of class. Having been a swimmer and having to hurl after a fierce swim back in the day, I decided it was no big whoop, and proceeded into the kickboxing class feeling like a warrior. I wimpy, sweaty half dead warrior. I have decided I like the sound effects the instructors teach us for exhalation during moves. But I am having a hard time not using ninja noises ( I know that ninjas are technically silent, but you know what I mean. Like cartoon ninjas). Or robot sounds. That is harder. For real. I feel like they might frown on " Hiiiiiiiyah!!!!" "wahhhhhhhhya!" or " Bbbbzbzzzzzzaaaaa" " beeebo bopa!".

 We checked out the monthly fee for this place and all it's awesomeness out of actual interest. Immediately deciding that our trial would be sufficient in our adventures of kickboxing. This fun has inspired us to cruise groupon as fitness trial collectors and get our sweat swagger on in all types of workout settings. Keep the newness going and fuel the learning. Also, I can make an ass out of myself in many genres of exercise and spread my ab crunching humor to the masses. Or just make Meleah laugh every place we join. I think I will review each new place and activity on here and post the hilarity that is bound to ensue. I am on the look out for a dance place next. It should be scary good.

I hurt like hell but I am going tonight to both classes again. This time, with prilosec and mint water.


  1. Oh Metromint, how I love how you alleviate my heartburn! Too funny, a friend and I just had a fit/fat conversation this morning via Skype. Always inspiring to have someone going through the same journey with you. I have fallen off the healthy bandwagon lately myself and am trying to hang on for dear life.

  2. Just started working out seirously again, and I have to say, i DO get the rush. I always end up staying at the gym longer than I meant to. I'm doing a Valentine's giveaway on my blog! Enter here: