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Monday, November 19, 2012

When he is good he is very very good..........

I love the mornings that Aidan wakes up in a calm, strangely wise, introspective kind of mood. It creeps me out to when he acts so independent, but that is a twist with an autistic child. For us, one day he acts like a one year old, and then he wakes up four. It's really trippy sometimes and takes me by surprise. This morning I stopped what I had going on ( realllly important stuff. Like wanting to sleep more and restocking my etsy) and just watched him be. He watched his sign language vids about ten times while burrowed into my armpit. Then moved my arm and pushed me a bit so I would lay back and let him climb on me. Thus transforming my body into the Mommy recliner he had in mind. And then I watched closer as he started actually signing along with his video. ::whooosh:: Air leaves lungs and a lump in my throat. He is huge at that moment. Content and smart, and.. no. Eff that, brilliant! Advanced moments are a double edged sword. It sounds really Debbie Downer to say so, I know. But in truth, it makes my heart swell ten sizes to watch his four year old milestones happen now when he hasn't nearly met most of his two year milestones in other categories ( social/ emotional being the most in our face right now). But it punches me in that swollen  puffed up pride heart at the same time. Because of the deficit.  Does that make sense?

Autism is a magical monster.

After I soaked in the snuggle time I wanted to migrate to the living room for some coffee enjoyment and begin our daily routine. Aidan wanted to tip toe ( not stomp run like normal) over to his favorite spot on the window seat and do this to get the garbage mans attention ( it did not work but it was sooooooo kill me cute).

And after that just blankie cuddled and told himself sweet stories and watched the wind in the trees for so long that I was feeling left out.

We then had a civilized breakfast and "talked" about all kinds of stuff. I have no idea what our topics were but I was riveted. Because breakfast chat is nonexistent usually. All day conversation is pretty sporadic really. He is still the man of few words but I do feel like he understands so much that we say. He speaks like a Sim when he gets going. It's more intellectual sounding than gibberish baby coos, more of a martian dialect. The purpose in the inflection is apparent. Today over scrambled couscous eggs with balsamic ( I have created quite a fancy nancy when it comes to eggs) he was really into the back and forth. I soaked in as much as I could before he went into quiet mode and started signing at me. Looked me dead in the eyes and signed.

Me: "Aidan what letter is that?"
Him: " A" 

Are you fucking kidding me? ( not aloud) and I looked it up because I will be honest, I have trouble with a few that look the same and I do not know them all. Bad Mom? Or just never needed sign language till now? I am going with the latter so I don't feel like shit, thanks. So, looked it up. And guess what, it's A. 



And now he is silent. Might be for the rest of the day if the mood stays this way. Might do 87 puzzles ( or 1 puzzle 87 times) completely independently without wanting help in absolute solitude. And I might feel like I imagined this whole incredible morning. Part of why I write this blogish stuff is to remember those times. My kick ass crazy diary. 

Have a great day ya'll.

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