Search This Blog

Thursday, July 8, 2010

inadequate boobs

The breast feeding situation has become baffling for me. It is so hard when I thought for sure that would be the least of my worries considering the new equipment I had gained. Meaning the boobs. I never have been very well endowed and pregnancy had blessed me a bit for my suffering.

Myth: huge boobs produce an endless supply of milk.

I have been pumping every two to four hours depending on my day and events. Why pump? Because, when Aidan was born with a super low blood sugar issue, he was bottle fed formula and took to the bottle immediately. This robbed him of the want to breast feed. He required instant gratification and though he would latch on, he would not relax and be patient enough for milk. He has been bottle fed both formula and what milk I can produce now that mine has come in ( which took about 4 days and made me panic). I have learned that I should be producing more and more milk to meet his needs. This is not the case. In fact I have days that the supply feel as though it's dwindling. Ranging from a pumping of 1oz to 4oz later that day. So frustrating. And to top it off, the boy has a serious appetite due to his large size. He is now needing a tad bit of rice cereal in his night time bottles to keep him full and help him sleep longer stretches ( for both his sanity and mine).

The largest part of the frustration I feel is that there is no reason for my milk to lessen. No medications, no long spans of time without pumping, nothing. I even tried an herbal remedy that many woman have sworn by. Nothing. I want so very badly to provide for my son and his feeding demands. So I talk to the person I have always been able to complain to and vent and ask anything. My Dad (is that strange? to chat with my dad about breast feeding? hmm). And he had good info that made me feel a little better. He said that I was lucky because Aidan would not be one of those babies who refuses to switch to a bottle and NEEDED to stay on the breast. I hadn't thought of that. That I would not end up one of the Moms required to be the only person who can feed the baby. I suppose that is the bright side. And he also said that I am lucky he will take formula. That some babies refuse it and throw it up.

Fact: When your parent tells you stories about "some babies" and they don't name which of your siblings it was, it means it was you.

So I guess now it is just up to me to figure out how I can make more milk and for as long as I can. And yes I have contacted the Lactation Specialist about a zillion times. Most of the tricks and techniques do not work for me. I am starting to think it may be stress that is holding me back. I wonder why I have stress ( so sarcastic). Could it be the home buying process coming to a close in a week? Or perhaps the tiny needy person I just made? Ooh I bet it is the fight I had to put up to get Liberty Mutual to put my maternity leave into affect (eff that company. won't even get started on the long story). Ah and I think the topper is that the dog is now pregnant. Not kidding. I bet she will out produce me in the milk department. Haha. Bitch. (get it?)

I suppose stress is the factor. So I think the answer is to find anti-stress things that do not cost alot of money (the parenting magazines make it sound so great to drop a shit ton of money on things like massages and pedicures and lunches out and new clothes. let's be real people, a new baby is expensive). Inexpensive moments like a walk with the wee one snoring in the stroller sound more realistic. Just a breathe of fresh air now and again would be good. And perhaps my favorite ice cream after dinner. Little stuff.

Frankly when Aidan smiles life just seems better. Which he just did in his sleep. I know it means he just shat himself or tooted but it is still such a sweet expression. I can't wait till it means he is actually happy (oh I know he is happy now, but you know what I mean).


  1. Don't be down on yourself or let it bother you. Sometimes for an unknown reason we don't produce milk like we are supposed to....I speak on this with 1st hand knowledge. With my daughter I got 3 weeks of it before I completely dried up. W/my son 2 months but I literally laid in bed with the dual electric pump on for 3-4 hr increments and would barely cover the bottom of the storage container.....I was determined to make it work so I did this for 3 months, unfortunately still dried up. Not to worry though any breastfeeding you do is going to boost your little mans immune system so do the best you can and don't expect more than your body is able to oblige you. Miss you girly!

  2. Lady, don't be so hard on yourself! I so badly wanted to breast feed Amelia, but after being transferred to another hospital for their NICU 1 hour after she was born, I never got the chance to try to have her latch because said hospital were fat assholes and would not take me on as a patient. Read: I spent the first night away from my newborn. I think because of this trauma the nurses weren't as hard on me to pump, but damnit I tried. For 4 days I tried and could get nothing. It hurt, and I was pumping at home, for a baby that was not in said home (she was in the NICU for 5 days). Nick tried his best to be encouraging, but day 4 I called it quits. Many nurses tried to get me to pump the minute I walked through the NICU door. Oh hell no. I tried all night while calling every 3 hours to check on my newborn whom you won't let me stay with, thank you very much.

    That being said, Amelia was a formula baby from birth. She's smart, everyone thinks she looks 5 (I know Aidan being the big man on campus, he'll look older then his age as well. Say hello to early drinkers!) The bonus was just that: I wasn't the soul provider for my kid. While it stung at first, I wasn't complaining the nights Nick got up with her to feed her. Or being able to pop a bottle in her while doing something constructive, like shopping, instead of having to race to Nordies to pull the boob out.

    Another plus to consider. Nick and I came up with a "system" to keep our sanity. He would get up with her one night, me the next. This would allow one of us to get a full nights sleep (theoretically). We use this method to this day. (even though Miss Amels has generally slept through the night since she was 4 months old, something Mr. Kung Foo might do because of his weight!) This allows me a night full of yummy dreams about a life pre-marriage and kid, and allows Nick the same on his nights "off". Once you get more comfortable going out, it also allows for you to go out and have "girls night" and not have to worry about getting up with the lil man when you get home.

    So my rant complete, I hope this helps. There's no shame girl...lil man will appreciate the effort (which is a lot more then some women do these days!) He'll still grow up perfect as a pea ;)