The breast feeding situation has become baffling for me. It is so hard when I thought for sure that would be the least of my worries considering the new equipment I had gained. Meaning the boobs. I never have been very well endowed and pregnancy had blessed me a bit for my suffering.
Myth: huge boobs produce an endless supply of milk.
I have been pumping every two to four hours depending on my day and events. Why pump? Because, when Aidan was born with a super low blood sugar issue, he was bottle fed formula and took to the bottle immediately. This robbed him of the want to breast feed. He required instant gratification and though he would latch on, he would not relax and be patient enough for milk. He has been bottle fed both formula and what milk I can produce now that mine has come in ( which took about 4 days and made me panic). I have learned that I should be producing more and more milk to meet his needs. This is not the case. In fact I have days that the supply feel as though it's dwindling. Ranging from a pumping of 1oz to 4oz later that day. So frustrating. And to top it off, the boy has a serious appetite due to his large size. He is now needing a tad bit of rice cereal in his night time bottles to keep him full and help him sleep longer stretches ( for both his sanity and mine).
The largest part of the frustration I feel is that there is no reason for my milk to lessen. No medications, no long spans of time without pumping, nothing. I even tried an herbal remedy that many woman have sworn by. Nothing. I want so very badly to provide for my son and his feeding demands. So I talk to the person I have always been able to complain to and vent and ask anything. My Dad (is that strange? to chat with my dad about breast feeding? hmm). And he had good info that made me feel a little better. He said that I was lucky because Aidan would not be one of those babies who refuses to switch to a bottle and NEEDED to stay on the breast. I hadn't thought of that. That I would not end up one of the Moms required to be the only person who can feed the baby. I suppose that is the bright side. And he also said that I am lucky he will take formula. That some babies refuse it and throw it up.
Fact: When your parent tells you stories about "some babies" and they don't name which of your siblings it was, it means it was you.
So I guess now it is just up to me to figure out how I can make more milk and for as long as I can. And yes I have contacted the Lactation Specialist about a zillion times. Most of the tricks and techniques do not work for me. I am starting to think it may be stress that is holding me back. I wonder why I have stress ( so sarcastic). Could it be the home buying process coming to a close in a week? Or perhaps the tiny needy person I just made? Ooh I bet it is the fight I had to put up to get Liberty Mutual to put my maternity leave into affect (eff that company. won't even get started on the long story). Ah and I think the topper is that the dog is now pregnant. Not kidding. I bet she will out produce me in the milk department. Haha. Bitch. (get it?)
I suppose stress is the factor. So I think the answer is to find anti-stress things that do not cost alot of money (the parenting magazines make it sound so great to drop a shit ton of money on things like massages and pedicures and lunches out and new clothes. let's be real people, a new baby is expensive). Inexpensive moments like a walk with the wee one snoring in the stroller sound more realistic. Just a breathe of fresh air now and again would be good. And perhaps my favorite ice cream after dinner. Little stuff.
Frankly when Aidan smiles life just seems better. Which he just did in his sleep. I know it means he just shat himself or tooted but it is still such a sweet expression. I can't wait till it means he is actually happy (oh I know he is happy now, but you know what I mean).