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Monday, April 5, 2010

Do not watch sad television

This morning after I almost got stuck in the bathtub (you try hoisting yourself up when you are jumbo-gy-hugey or try to make a 12 point turn around to escape) I watched some TLC. So many reasons why that is a terrible no good plan. I am stressed enough about the baby being born and should not be watching other couples stressful childbirth stories. I think I have hit the wall where the idea of being Mommy and the excitement for Aidan actually existing has now become "Holy crap, he has to exit my body". I know, I know. Duh. But really, I am now scared. Imagining my options at first (psssshhhh, as though they are actual options. HA!) and deciding how to have him was such a sweet fantasy of a conversation with Kelly. As the days are fewer and Wednesdays appointment with Dr. Awesome is approaching I am writing down 876 question to drill him about the best possible way to land and which parachute to grab. Because at this point I feel like I could be thrown from a plane without warning and it would feel the same. When the time comes, I want to be in the most control possible in an unpredictable situation. Aidan is coming early. No doubt about it. So now the question is, schedule a C-section and get it over with. Or, schedule induction and possibly push for 4900 hours to end with a C-section anyhow. Even though I am well aware that inducing could mean he pops out no problemo in 40 minutes for all I know. That part is all Aidans choice. My gut is saying don't give the kid any option to be stubborn before he is in reach of spanking. :)

But really, all the expecting T.V. shows do for me is wind my anxiety up and leave me crying. Next question is when? I am annoyed that one of the most important people in this family will be away for about a week during prime time for Aidan being brought into the world. I am very nervous that Doc will choose one of those days as the best delivery date. Hal and I had a really good talk about it and I am so damn proud that she is logical and understanding even though I can tell it really bothers her to think she'd miss out. Such a tough front for a 7 yr old to hold up. Never wanting to be a downer. The sweetheart asked if she could wait to go on her trip and I reminded her that is not an option and it's out of our hands ( I cannot hide my resentment for the creator of this complication nor can I ignore how torn it makes the girl feel) . So we will all cross our fingers that he will be here even a day before or a day after to make sure she can be there. I am very lucky to have such an involved little girl to love this baby with everything she's got. I am also very lucky that I get to give her this amazing gift of becoming a big sister. Ugghhh!! all sappy. Getting all teary again. Blast you Baby Story!!!!! *shakes fist* making me all sentimental and mind screwy.

I am going to get our baby birth date guessing and weight guessing started to side track me. :) That will be way fun.

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