Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Dating advice from a married person.
My anniversary is approaching this month which makes me do that thing where I re-live our first date and feel lucky that a series of sort of messed up events brought us together. Sure it was all magic and butterflies but the real truth is that our first date could so easily have never taken place. Not any dramatic "against all odds" crap or anything. Just the run of the mill stuff you see in movies where there are like 45 parallels and near meetings before two people get together and it's almost stressful to watch. Like, Jennifer Aniston could play me.
Our story was and sometimes is still complicated. We met almost ten years earlier than our first date. I dated his very best friend, my upstairs neighbor when I was very newly twenty-ish. Those idiot boys upstairs apparently called me "hot tub girl" because I would swim laps after work and then read my book with a beer in the hot tub. I had called my now husband "the married guy" because of all of them he was the only married guy. So, I dated neighbor guy and after a lame six months of blah we broke up, I moved on and away, and I cut ties like a pro vanishing into the world. Really I just moved downtown for a few years to whoop it up in my twenties. Life moved on.
Hot tub girl grew up a lot over the years and found herself single a few times over after investing way too much in men that don't matter. The internet was becoming a serious place to be cruising for dates and I hated it. I am not a match dot commer. I loathe it. Always have. Not judging those it has worked for. I am just saying it has never been for me. That being said, I did go though a very comical dating phase with my awesome roommate that solidified my man-hater-monday drinking phase completely. Had I not dabbled in the adventures of The Mercury Personals I would not have been open to a blind date a dear friend insisted upon. I mean really, I had played a drinking game called "count the beards" while surfing "potential soulmates" who had profile pictures with horn rimmed glasses and seven kittens. It was the perfect storm for an open mind.
I am grateful for a failed marriage. I can be honest. Married guy became divorced guy and I suppose I should thank the crazy bitch who left him like a thief in the night because she made a humbled man mine. A very appreciative, eyes wide open yet jaded man. That would never have been my match before because he had married fresh out of high school. I strongly advise against this for so many reasons. When some ladies happily say "He was the first boy I ever kissed" all I hear is "I don't know any better". I am a bitch, I know. But seriously like 2% of that works out ever.
My life is a happy accident because two formerly super happy people had life beat them up a little, then a great person said "geez you would be perfect for my friend. You both are pretty much in the same place right now" and it turned out we were. We commiserated about how other people suck. And had re-learned the things that made us happy so we totally had cool shit to bring to the table instead of being all "I don't know, what do you wanna do". It was the imperfect perfect first date when Hot tub girl realized Married guy was actually Divorced guy and when he realized she was Hot tub girl ten years before and got a little weirded out. It was complicated already but still ok because it was a really good time. Basically after petting street kids dogs and walking around talking till like 4 in the morning life would never be the same. Which was great because single life was dragging on too long for both.
That saying about love finding you when you least expect it is ok. Cliche but pretty true. You just have to live your life and not be so hard on yourself. You will meet tons of people who love you. That is what matters. You can't even predict what will work out. Just live life like you want and be happy. Even if you are perfectly happy being a man hater cynical bitch for a while. Because that worked out fine for me. ;)
P.S. Thank you Melissa.