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Thursday, March 4, 2010

No Touchy Touchy!!!!!

I need to revisit something I forgot to blog. The strangers who feel the need to touch my belly. And two excellent examples of why people I do not know should never try to touch me. Period.

Number one: At The grocery store a lady, wait, scratch that. Let me be more brutally specific to illustrate my point. The female EMPLOYEE who I do not know personally nor do I even recognize her as a checker I see often when shopping (which would at least explain why she addressed me like she knew me from someplace) walked purposefully over to me arms outstretched and leaned in and..................I karate chopped her hand away. And looked her directly in the eye and said "Do I know you?". To which she sheepishly replied that she couldn't resist my cute tummy. To which I quickly retorted "Try to. I don't grope random people and I would prefer the same treatment." I continued shopping and also stewing about the event. I dislike being touched in friendly ways, arm around shoulder, nudge nudge "funny eh?" style after a joke, or even pat on the back by people who are not in my inner circle of comfort. So I really loathe that an employee felt it totally normal to do the damn prego reach. I wanted to go up and grab her boob and say, "Sorry, I couldn't resist, it's the same concept right? Violating your personal space in an intimate manor?"

So I decided to read up on the subject since I felt so strongly hostile about it. I am not alone in feeling this is an unjust general assumption that the pregnant belly is community property. I am appalled to realize many women feel BAD when asking people POLITELY not to touch them!!! What the hell!!!! I kinda think they should remember that before they were growing an awesome seed for the future, nobody walked up and rubbed their abs or muffin-top or what have you. If they did, how fast would you eye gouge them for being inappropriate? What makes baby mound different if not even more personal and off limits? And after reading lots I was more prepared for the next run in.

Number two: At the grocery store (see a pattern? It makes a girl wanna eat take out more often) and a couple had passed me a few times while filling their cart with the entire organic section. I could see the google eyed silly faces they were making to each other when they passed me. I was surprised that they hadn't stopped me to inform me of the genetic defects the Chocolate Mousse Pie in my cart could cause my fetus with all the high fructose corn syrup and chemically enhanced dairy ingredients. I was not however, surprised when the gentleman of the two finally works up the gonads to dart over and rub my tummy. I backed up quick like a ninja and then after reminding myself about the witty comments in articles I turned to the man and rubbed his tummy. And only about 10% jokingly said "How do you like it." He didn't hesitate to swivel his car around and leave the aisle. Somehow I got the dirty look like I was rude. Interesting.

Don't fret if you are wanting to rub my giant gut. :) You know it's safe if we actually talk on a regular basis. It's the poor suckers who don't even know my first name that should worry about being assaulted. :)

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