Getting over myself: Shorts edition

  Last night after seeing the predicted million degree weather, I set my mind on the task of wearing shorts to work. This may sound stupid but I am not really an out in public wearing anything above my knees kind of person. I can wear khaki, black or denim shorts to work that are no shorter than three inches above my knees. Perfect because I am no braver than three inches anyhow. But am I brave at all? My legs are whitey white compared to my new farmers tan and I am self conscious about all the dings and marks adorning my thicker mom stems. I work with a team that looks like a cast from an old navy ad all joined up to be camp counselors and frankly I would put money on the odds that most have in fact been camp counselors. Our attire is campy yet clean at work basically. So this morning I search my stuff for shorts, select a couple pairs and jump in the shower to tend to the art that is not slicing myself to ribbons with a razor while absentmindedly shanscaping my nine miles of leg. Here is the inner monologue that transpired while I got ready.


Geez I hate shaving.

Good thing I'm married. hehehe.

That's so sad.

Why do I have so much skin?

This takes too long.

::out of shower trying on shorts::

Khaki makes my skin look paler.

How's that even happen?

Maybe denim is better.

I wonder if a rolled up jean short looks to young for my age.

Is it short? Or shorts? A rolled up jean shorts sounds stupid. Must be singular kinda.

I don't feel super fat in these.

Can I work in them? ::doing lunges and bends::

Hal: "what are you doing?"

Me: "nothing go eat breakfast"

::back to lunges but in my room instead of in front of the hall mirror::

I think these are good.

Hmmm, they have a little "fashion tear" by the pocket.

I wonder if that looks trashy.

::put the khaki shorts back on::

Hal: "what shorts are those?" ::making a rude teenager face::


::put on jean shorts and add a belt::

Fuck it. These are great.







I hate shorts.