The Master Plan

Finally. After weekly visits that end in a smiling nurse shaking her head no. Have I mentioned how much I hate being told no? Oh, I thought I had touched on that. Yeah, so I hate it. I usually try not to put myself in situations where I am told no. I like YES moments far better. So much more positive. And when I am happy, lots of people are happy. I am fairly sure this is how most women operate. Unless they are a gluten for punishment and like to pout. So after being told NO more times in a month than I have ever encountered in my life prior, I am told YES!!!! Yes we can schedule the C-section for my baby. Yes I can have it on the day I wanted ( because what an awesome sounding birthday that will be). And yes it will be next week. Again, one of those clouds parting, sun shining down in soft rays as angels go "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh" moments. Divine indeed. I don't think I have ever been so thrilled to wait forever at the appointment counter as two chatty desk gals flip through my Docs calendar. After waiting eons and even making another trip to the loo (because that's all I do is pee anymore) my day was set. Rather, Aidans day was set.

The only bummer (when dealing with Voldemort it does seem like joy is always dampened slightly on any event) is that we cannot tell the girl. Why not you ask? Well, not because we don't want to. I wanted to call her squealing and giggling as soon as they said I could have my way. And I know she would feel like it is unfair if she ever figures out we knew and didn't let her in on it. But, someone ruined that for her. Someone that lets her watch Greys Anatomy. Let me give you some back story. A while back Hal came to me and in a brave tone with a shaky voice asked if I was going to have a C-section. I asked how she knew what that was, or if any of her friends Mommys had had that. She was tearing up and and told me she watched an emergency C-section on Greys Anatomy and a lady had her belly cut open and they took the baby out because the lady or the baby could have died. She said she didn't want me to have to have that. Heavy stuff eh. Yeah. I agree. After really collecting my thoughts on this one and resisting saying how inappropriate it is that her mother allows her to watch that show, I explained that shows like that are all about drama. And without crazy near death plots the show would have no viewers. I told her that in truth, a C-section could happen. But that Mommies all over the world have them and it isn't a scary emergency like TV. Unfortunately, even with my attempts at comforting and correcting, the image is there. I can't erase that. The incredible mind of a 7 year old is an amazing thing. And I refuse to tell her the news of her baby brothers birthday, in fear of the nightmares she could have and the innocent sleep she would lose. Instead I will wait till D-day and Kelly will collect her from school and she will come see me and Aidan after. I won't lie about how he came into the world, by then I know she wont even think about it. Just him being here will overshadow any scary thought.

So, am I happy? Insanely! With only one little drawback. That could have been prevented with proper parenting. After next week all will be ok. And Aidan will finally be here!!!!




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Afterthought:

If you will not protect your child, who will protect your child from you?

Do not watch sad television

This morning after I almost got stuck in the bathtub (you try hoisting yourself up when you are jumbo-gy-hugey or try to make a 12 point turn around to escape) I watched some TLC. So many reasons why that is a terrible no good plan. I am stressed enough about the baby being born and should not be watching other couples stressful childbirth stories. I think I have hit the wall where the idea of being Mommy and the excitement for Aidan actually existing has now become "Holy crap, he has to exit my body". I know, I know. Duh. But really, I am now scared. Imagining my options at first (psssshhhh, as though they are actual options. HA!) and deciding how to have him was such a sweet fantasy of a conversation with Kelly. As the days are fewer and Wednesdays appointment with Dr. Awesome is approaching I am writing down 876 question to drill him about the best possible way to land and which parachute to grab. Because at this point I feel like I could be thrown from a plane without warning and it would feel the same. When the time comes, I want to be in the most control possible in an unpredictable situation. Aidan is coming early. No doubt about it. So now the question is, schedule a C-section and get it over with. Or, schedule induction and possibly push for 4900 hours to end with a C-section anyhow. Even though I am well aware that inducing could mean he pops out no problemo in 40 minutes for all I know. That part is all Aidans choice. My gut is saying don't give the kid any option to be stubborn before he is in reach of spanking. :)

But really, all the expecting T.V. shows do for me is wind my anxiety up and leave me crying. Next question is when? I am annoyed that one of the most important people in this family will be away for about a week during prime time for Aidan being brought into the world. I am very nervous that Doc will choose one of those days as the best delivery date. Hal and I had a really good talk about it and I am so damn proud that she is logical and understanding even though I can tell it really bothers her to think she'd miss out. Such a tough front for a 7 yr old to hold up. Never wanting to be a downer. The sweetheart asked if she could wait to go on her trip and I reminded her that is not an option and it's out of our hands ( I cannot hide my resentment for the creator of this complication nor can I ignore how torn it makes the girl feel) . So we will all cross our fingers that he will be here even a day before or a day after to make sure she can be there. I am very lucky to have such an involved little girl to love this baby with everything she's got. I am also very lucky that I get to give her this amazing gift of becoming a big sister. Ugghhh!! all sappy. Getting all teary again. Blast you Baby Story!!!!! *shakes fist* making me all sentimental and mind screwy.

I am going to get our baby birth date guessing and weight guessing started to side track me. :) That will be way fun.